“Home is wherever I’m with you… Home is when I’m alone with you.”
“I feel home.”
“Home is where the heart is.”
For the first 25 years of my life, home was one place: Chicago. It was where I was born, where I grew up, and where most of my close family resided. No place even came close to being considered that four letter word, mostly because I hadn’t ventured out of the area long enough to give it the opportunity to do so. I had the utmost amount of pride for my city and considered myself a true Chicagoan. I was a one home kind of girl and couldn’t relate to people who felt these home-y feelings for more than one place. This all began to change the autumn of 2012…
I had gone to graduate school in London, which is to date the most adventurous thing I have ever done. After my undergraduate career was temporarily halted due to my battle with severe depression, I felt the need to experience another place. I wanted to continue my education (partially due to lack of creativity and desire to put off entering the real world) and decided why not do it in another country altogether? Long story short, through a series of acceptances and rejections, decisions, and flights, I found myself in London.
To say I was in culture shock would be an understatement. I was in various forms of shock in general. I had, up until this point, lived a very sheltered life as far as experiencing other cultures. True, Chicago is a big multi-cultural city, but I had never experienced firsthand what it was like to live in a foreign country ( I had been to Mexico several times, but I hardly think that counts).
The first few months there I was experiencing a definite bout of homesickness. I missed everyone and everything. I missed my family, my friends, my bedroom, my library, my favorite hangouts, etc. You name it. If it was in Chicago, I missed it. I was focusing on all the negative things that I felt were lacking, instead of the positive things that were advantageous. Somehow, I eventually became more positive about everything. I made friends and didn’t feel so alone all the time. I got a job which tremendously helped me feel less guilty about going out and spending money. I visited places and found my own favorite local hangouts.
Most importantly, was the feeling of making a place home. It is a unique and special experience to make a strange place home. I feel a profound connection and affection for London. I am proud of myself for being able to create that for myself. It wasn’t easy, in fact, it was mostly hard. But I wouldn’t trade any of it. It absolutely made me stronger and I feel that I learned things about myself that I wouldn’t have otherwise. It opened my eyes to different ways of thinking and ultimately it made me a better person.
With all this positivity does come some negative things as well. Living in Chicago once again has made me miss London. I miss it deeply. I feel like I’ve lost a part of myself. I miss the person that I was in London. I miss the people that I would meet. I miss the beauty of the city. I miss everyone and everything. it’s funny how that works, don’t you think?
It is, for all intents and purposes, my home. It is the place I feel most myself. It is the place I visit in my dreams. it is the place I know I will end up next, even if only temporarily. London, you stole my heart. I’m not sure how you did it, but you did.
bonzailove 